The 1 abt …….. “We all have problems”

The blog is about to challenge a lot of people including myself. Let me re-assure you that these blogs are not about anyone but for everyone. One would argue and say that I am being judgmental, which is not the case. If you notice that I include myself, I am sharing my personal experience with the world in effort to help me or someone out there.

Back to the blog, I often find myself looking at people and I hear myself say to myself “look at him, he is happy and by the looks of things he has no problems.” Or I even say “some people have it easy, they have nothing to worry about.” To my foolishness I believed that for a long time, until the previous December holiday. It hit me that we all have problems. The thing about problems is that they are not the same.

We are quick to speak about our problems and how big they are, we never stop to think about other people and what problems they have or we spend too much time in other peoples business we to a point where we ignore our own big problems. During the holiday I listen and took part in a discussion of how one of our family members has problems, for days the discussion went on. It was only yesterday when my problem could not be ignored anymore, the thing about ignored problem they are not solved and they grow a bit bigger everyday. When I could not ignore anymore it like it was a pile of cards crashing. After they surfaced I attempted to fix cards not the cause of the crash. Our biggest mistake to fixing problem and not fixing the cause.

Whether you are rich or poor, black or white, South African or American, we have problems.

It time to end the lie we telling saying that people do not have a problem; it’s a BIG FAT LIE (BFL).

Now that we have established that part, it time we dealt with them now. Let’s look at how we can try to fix them:



1. Identify the cause: we need to find our cause. There is no point fixing the problem if we do not fix the leak. Before we put the blame on people we need to do introspection and find out where I went wrong. See what role you played in creating the cause. We are quick to blame our people for our own problem and we never want to take the blame for anything. After indentifying your part you need to identify all the other key players.

2. Be in the attitude of resolving the problem: it is very difficult to fix a problem that you do not want to be fixed. Remember when you are in the right attitude you can do anything, it’s the same with problem if you are not in the right attitude you will not be able to fix the problem. So get into the attitude, do not use this as an excuse not t fix problems. An attitude certainly will not take you 365 days to come right. The way you want to fix this problem will be determined by you attitude and you willingness to fix the problem.

3. Speak to the right people: who are you speaking to about your problem? If you are not speaking to the right people then you are wasting your time. It is good to seek personal advice from people, do not get me wrong but we do that too much. We tell everyone our problem except the people who are the cause. I think we do that so that we will feel better or we think that by telling everyone it will go away. If the problem involves your mother, speak to you mother about it. If you are scared, then you can use the proper channel.

4. Too many cooks spoiled the broth: we have heard that say a lot of time before. Always try by all means to limit the number of people involved. In that way you are able to account for little. Some problems are made worst by the number of people involved, some people are rather offended by the people involved which the escalate the problem. Try to involve few people. We black people have a tendency of involving the whole family( I mean the whole family from Uncle to Aunts in far away land)

5. Speak with your mind and heart but do not be too emotional: When given the opportunity to speak, speak your mind and heart but keep your emotions. Speak everything, problem re-occur simple because there were certain information that was not discussed or spoken as a result the problem keeps coming back, so when given the platform, speak everything. Our emotions often prevent us from speaking a lot of things, so try not to speak when you’re angry, because you will end up saying something you do not mean, and end up escalating the problem.

6. Forgive and forget: easy said than done right? This is one of the things I struggle with the most and I pray to God that he may help me to forgive and forget. If you have really solved the problem it shows when you have forgiven and forgotten. This means that, you should not bring up the past in future conversations or arguments that will cause a major set back and cause an even bigger problem.

With this said I think it’s also best to start taking your problems to God first and seek his advice. In Matthew 11:28: Then Jesus said, “Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest……….” NLT. Jesus wants to carry our problems in his arms, let him do that! If you not let him, you are taking away one of his duties of being Lord of ALL. Remember that there is no problem bigger than God and nothing comes to him by surprise even your problem even mine. I hope I Have tried to help you as much as I have helped myself. All kind Blessing to you!

God Bless

The 1 abt……“friends”

Well this is one of the most controversial topic ever, it has been discussed over and over again to a point we (teens) do not listen anymore! We have has heard them all, from “Friends are bad for you” to “those are bad friends”. Honestly enough our parents have been through a lot, that is explainable, but sometimes okay most of the times they miss the mark. The trick about friends that you have to learn about picking them so that if you pick the wrong one, you learn from it. That is my primary objective about choosing the one!



I consider myself one of the luckiest people, because I can make friends easy with some people. I will be honest making friends with females is easy than making friends with other males ( That’s me) , I’ve grown up around girls , I am the only male my age, others are too old others are too young. But never the less I try to make friends. December 2008, I prayed to God to help with friends I told him that I have a problem with making friends. When I got to P.E (Read the previous blog), God placed a lot of guys around me. It was then an opportunity for me to making friends and yes they were males. The thing about God he placed both the Good people and the Bad; this was an opportunity for me to see what is Good for me and what is not.

The people who you call friend, are they your friends? Often we say we have friends, but we will also that we are lonely, how is that possible if we have friends? We have been talking about a friend let define friend. I will define what a friend to me is and you can email me your definition of friend (usp.onge14@gmail.com). A friend is some one you get to now on a personal basis, someone who you can count on. He or she will let you down, but it rarely happens and if it happens its beyond his or her control (not every time). A FRIEND is that person who will tell you where to get off when needed, he or she will tell when I mess up and will encourage me when I need to. A friend is some who will pray who will put my interest first than his or hers. A friend is there to let me make the mistake, has warned me before and is there to suffer with me when I have burnt myself. A friend will make me laugh when I do not want to even if it hurts. They will listen to me when I am not making sense. They will understand my craziness in the midst of it all. Well that my definition. This will not apply to everyone, because we are not the same. We all have our definition of friends, but our (or my mistake) we are quick to look for people who will be our friends. How often do you hear people say they want to be friends to some? We need to be friends before people can be our friend.



Like it or not friends will always influence us, whether it big as peer pressure or as small as Character. If you do not believe me, ask yourself this: how often do I do things because my friends are doing it ( can be good or bad) or better yet how often do you say something your friend has said? If your friends are not influencing you, then you should ask yourself if they are doing their job.

You must be confused; well I do not blame you. I confuse myself more often than you think! Here are some points you can take with you:

1) Be a friend before you have your friend: People want to know that they can be comfortable with you. They also want to now that they can trust you. By being you and being the friend you want them to be it becomes very easy for them to be the friend they need.

2) Choose your own friends: Often enough we are told that some people are bad for us or something. God will place a lot of people around you. It is then up to you to choose them. The are bad people out there, and some are good. Remember Bad Company spoils good character (scripture).

3) Be ready to be influenced: Friends are they to help you out and you are there to help them out. Do not deprive yourself from learning from other people. You learn every day and by spending time with friends you learn a lot from other people and their character. People also learn from you. Do not compromise yourself in the process. A friend wills not what is good for you but you know better. You know what’s best for you! You will be responsible for what you choose, always keep that in mind.

There is not art to choose friends. Its like taking an apple from a tree, it may look pretty from the outside but it taste really terrible, or even look so terrible and taste so sweet. There are a lot of people who need a chance, they have been judge so much so many time. I am guilty of judging people. I admit I have selected certain individual to be my friend, because of who they are like I choose not to be friends with people that are not save at one point in my life. I can make such decision on friends. As from now on I choose friends because I have the opportunity to make an impact in someone’s life. What important to me is this:

• To be a friend to some one whom I can get to now personally.

• Someone who you can count on me.

• Someone I will try not to let him or her down

• I want to be a FRIEND that will be able tell you where to get off when needed,

• Some who I can honestly when she or he has messed up with out judging

• Some I can encourage when they need to be.

• Some I can pray with

• Some I can put his or her interest first then mine...

• Some one I can let make his or her mistakes, even if I gave my advice and I will be there pick up the pieces together.

• I want to be a friend that will make you laugh when you need to or even if it hurts.

• I want to listen to you even if it does not make sense.

• I will understand your craziness in the midst of it all.



This is my c.v for being a friend will you let me ? I promise not to fail you.